Language of Choice

The recent brouhaha over the Coca-Cola ad at the Superbowl, in which America the Beautiful was sung in many languages, suggests that at the most basic level language matters. The truth is that language matters deeply, at every level.

In her ground-breaking book Change Your Questions Change Your Life, author Marilee Adams introduced the Choice Map, which pictures two paths representing two very different mindsets: Judger and Learner. The questions we ask ourselves can lead us into the Judger Pit (What's wrong with me? Why are they so stupid?), or they can lead us down a path of thoughtful choices  (What's possible? What can I learn?). Simply by being aware of a handful of useful questions it is possible to shift from a negative to a positive outlook. Your language matters.

A Human Resources manager I know sometimes prefaces her remarks by stating "The story I'm telling myself about this situation is..." This alerts everyone that she is aware she might not have the full story. That, in fact, her story might have nothing to do with reality, but this is how she was experiencing the situation. Her approach invites  feedback and dialog. She claims responsibility for her thoughts and feelings, and lets people know the story might change over time, with more information. Such a simple sentence to convey so much... language matters.

While most of our communication takes place via words, the language of our subconscious is imagery.  By developing personalized mental images we can control our autonomic processes and immune system. In addition to healing applications, we can also direct and affect the outcome of our actions. More than twenty-five years ago I conducted my first experiment in this arena. Ready to look for a new job, I realized that I was not so interested in the specifics of what I would do; rather, I wanted a job in which I would feel connected with people and in which I would enjoy collaborative relationships that buoyed and supported me. I developed a particular image that embodied the desired feelings, and focused my energy and attention on that image in meditation and throughout the day. In short order I had a job that has more than fulfilled and embodied the feeling state that I was seeking. Although my role has changed over the years, the essence is still there. Language matters, whether it speaks in words or appears as images in your mind's eye.

Living your life with intent focuses the mind on your choices.  Notice your language... are you on the Judger or the Learner path? What stories do you tell yourself? What is your inner language, your personal imagery, saying to you? Intention, responsibility, action... the language you choose matters.

For more information on the power of questions, go to the Inquiry Institute for many great resources. Their training programs are recommended.

"Your language matters" is the second recognition in David Robinson's book The Seer.

Wounds, Healing and Inspiration

In the movie Dolphin Tale, the dolphin Winter loses her tail after getting tangled in a crab trap. She is rescued, and healed, by a group of committed and loving people. Successfully fitted with a prosthetic tail, she has become an inspiration to many.

Since seeing the movie, I've been thinking about the link between wounds and inspiration. Losing a tail was a real tragedy and Winter was pretty depressed about it.They thought she might give up and die. But, with the help of people that cared she hung in there and look what happened. There is something about the storyline of tragedy, healing, and sharing that touches us, and this is something Hollywood is very good at delivering. Of course, people suffer grievous wounds every day, recover, and move into the world in ways that are awe-inspiring. This year a double amputee might qualify to run in the 2012 Olympics. Parents dedicate themselves to promoting anti-bullying initiatives after their child has committed suicide. People battle illness and beat the odds.

So now I'm looking at my life and my wounds, and wondering "What can I do? How can I take my personal struggles and triumphs and share them in a way that touches others?" In all of the examples I just gave, the wound is visible and obvious. Not all wounds are. Mine are deep inside, well hidden from view.So what can I do with that? How can the healing be made visible? Today, I have no answers, only questions. Those I can share.

Up to your tailpipe in mud

On the day they were moving my neighbor decided to back the moving van across the lawn and up to their front door. He did not stop to consider that it had rained for the last two weeks. Twenty feet in he felt the rear wheels sink into the ground. Realizing he was in imminent danger of getting stuck he did what many people might do in that situation: he stepped on the gas and spun the wheels. Fast.

Before he knew it he was, well, up to his tailpipe in mud.

 

This story has a happy ending. The tow truck operator and his 10-year old son did a crackerjack job of winching the moving van out of the trenches. The neighbors tumbled outside to enjoy the spectacle and catch up with each other after a long winter. At the end of the day, a good time was had by all.

Since I became a life coach in Ithaca I have been noticing all the different ways that people get stuck in their lives. Some people get trapped in the notion that whatever they do must be perfect. For others, the voices of family and friends are so loud that they can’t hear their own voice… or if they can, they are reluctant to act in defiance of what others are telling them they should do.  

How many of us have found ourselves doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results? Sometimes it is hard to imagine that there might be other ways of approaching a particular problem or situation. And sometimes we just really don’t know what to do next.  We may be confronted with too many options, or too few.  The next step is simply not clear. 

As a life coach I help people get unstuck. Working together we can explore your options, expanding or evaluating them as needed. We can dig through the layers of “should” to discover what is important to you and how you want to express yourself in the world. You can redefine perfection in a way that allows you to move forward with confidence. Combining practical, down-to-earth approaches with creativity tools and techniques, I help people overcome inertia and become re-engaged in their lives.

Are you ready to climb out of your rut?
Are you at a turning point and need to make an important decision?

Is it time to live your dream?

 

If you find yourself stuck in the mud and want to reduce stress and feel more comfortable
with who you are and what you are doing, contact me.